Okay, fellow Disciples, you are far enough into the Lessons that it’s time to give you a test. Let’s see if by now if you can tell the difference between a Predatory con and a survivor pulling a scam, directed to do so by the Universe. After you read the below, email me, and tell what you think—Predatory con or Survivor scam:
Dear Beergirl and Beerboy Disciples (so, here goes the test),
This new plan is working way better than even I thought it would. Money counterfeiting is just too tricky anymore. Counterfeiting returnable beer bottle labels was definitely the business to get into!
I wondered if we couldn’t get enough bottles cheaply to make it work. But guess what—we got them! Portland is a great place to run this scam. Washington State is just across the river. Over there they don’t have money deposits on beer bottles like they in Oregon. So, we set up a glass recycling business in Washington. The suckers actually pay us to haul off their beer bottles.
When we get the bottles back to the warehouse we run them through big, old commercial dishwashers we got free when a hotel was remodeling. Another score for the “recycling” scam. Okay, first we check to make sure the bottles are empty. No need to waste perfectly good beer. Then we run them through the dishwasher, and the labels get powered off.
While the bottles dry, we get the returnable money deposit labels cut and the glue warmed up. We got a big new computerized printer from the federal United States Department of Education!! That’s right–the real Education Department back in Washington, DC that runs you local grade school! We told them we were running a school to teach grocery store clerks advanced techniques on how to do returnable bottle counts.
We just asked for a computer printer, but the Education Department offered us $120 million a year to fund the whole school. Man that was real tempting! But, like I always say, you got to stay focused on your dreams, and don’t get side tracked. Don’t get greedy. Set up your scam, think through all the problems, make a plan, and stick to it. So, we told the Education Department we had private funding from grocery store chains.
Okay, who am I kidding—yeah, we would turn down a free $120 million. Did any of you actually fall for that? You bet we took the cash!
With that much loot, we had to sit down over some cold ones, and rethink this entire operation. After lots of thinking we decided to buy 35 big Freightliner semi trucks and trailers! And get this—when the Education Department folks heard we’d bought the trucks they insisted on giving us a $17 million a year service contract for maintenance on the trucks! The Education Department gives us the money, and we spend it how we want. Look, we had to take the money. If we started turning down all that cash somebody back in Washington, DC would get suspicious. Normal folk don’t turn down free offers of $120 and 17 million. Turn down that kind of money and the Washington DC folks would get suspicious and start sending out “investigators”—and you know we don’t want “investigators poking around here!
We’re not letting the money go to our heads, though. We stash most of the money up in the hills, near our hunting cabin. Bank the money? If we suddenly have to take off in the middle of the night, we don’t want to have to wake up the local bank manager at home and explain why we need all our cash, and we need it right now!
And, guess what—we’re even making loot from our bottle scam! We didn’t even need the government loot to make this operation profitable!
I love the sound of the bottles clinking against each other as they drop from the dishwashers into the bins. It’s the sound of money, like listening to pennies rattling when you shake your penny jar.
We’ve got a crew of Russians and Mexicans, none of them speaking English. Boy, have those foreigners got fast hands! We tried using high school kids but they were too lazy. And don’t worry about the crew catching on. We tell them we got a contract from the beer companies to do labeling.
Then, it’s time to cash in—‘return’ the bottles!! We got trucks rolling all over Oregon, hitting all the big grocery stores. But, this is where it gets real good. Since we got trucks and gas money from the Education Department, we can expand our business.
You may not have noticed this, but stop reading this letter for a second and read the label the beer bottle in your hand. What does it say? (be careful not spill any beer on your keyboard!) Oregon isn’t the only state that has returnable beer bottles! Count them, man—CT, DE, VT, MA, ME, NY, and IA. Five cents a bottle, every one of them states gives us 5 cents a bottle. The big money, though, is in MI—Michigan. Guess what–they give us 10 cents a bottle!! We’ve got big rigs rolling all over the country ‘returning’ bottles.
I’m not letting all of this go to my head. I’m not turning into a high roller, blowing the money on fast cars and expensive Italian restaurant pizzas. Well, okay, some times I go to the Italian restaurants—boy they’ve got great pizza!
Well, it’s that time of night—got to get the trucks rolling. Talk to you later.
LESSON OVER*** Okay, Beergirl and Beerboy Disciples —which is it—was this a description of a predatory con, or a Universe directed scam? Write to me and tell me what you think.
Yours in the faith,